I read a book when I
was a new believer, entitled A
Severe Mercy, by Sheldon
Vanauken. He was a man in love with his wife who (the cliff notes
version) became a Christian after years of spiritual seeking, leaving
Sheldon – not a believer - feeling left out and jealous of God for
interjecting Himself between himself and his wife. To make matters
worse, his wife suddenly died, leaving Sheldon angry as well as
jealous, feeling as though God had “taken her twice,” not unlike
a stalker who proclaims, “If I can't have her, neither can you!”
It took a long time –
and I recommend you read the book for yourself to fill in the many
details – but Vanauken himself eventually entered a relationship
with Jesus Christ. After much reflection, he concluded that the
death of his wife all those years before was part of what it took for
God to bring him to the culmination of his search for life and
meaning: to Christ Himself. An ultimate mercy, he described it as,
though as noted by the title of the book, a severe
mercy nonetheless. He admitted that with his wife in his life, he
probably would not have been brought to the realization of any
greater need for God. With her taken out of the picture, however
devastating as it was for him at the time, it forced him to go from
good to best.
Isn't that how it
usually goes with us humans? I mean, when things are going well,
it's easy to be so comfortable with our lives that we don't let our
minds go further as to our need for more? I've found no clearer
evidence of this in my own life – and in others I've observed as
well - than when we have remained in a job that started out
wonderfully but had gotten stale and gone south for any number of
reasons. That ominous overshadowing of the not-so-great unknown
clouds our rational sense. Instead of moving on then – or even
starting the search for something better, we stay put in our misery
because of the “known” misery (or evil) supersedes the dreaded
and mysterious “unknown.”
Yet what I am learning
in this life – albeit admittedly slowly – is that, for the
believer in Christ, life is a long journey (it feels at times,
though ultimately quite brief as any 80+ year old will tell you!)
toward trust leading to freedom in a way that unbelievers cannot
claim. Not because of any innate superiority on our part, but because
it is only as we walk humbly with our God and follow His directions
(which is by no means a linear experience), giving up self-will and
trusting when everything we think and expect turns
upside down, that we begin to accept His “severe mercies” in our
lives as mercies indeed, and in doing so, awaken slowly to fragments
of freedom that represent our true selves, seen now only through a
glass dimly but one day will be complete as we see Him face to face.
